Encouragement or flattery? There can be a fine line between words of encouragement and words of flattery. Words of encouragement give courage, inspirational support, confidence and hope.1 Words of flattery are excessive and insincere praise.2
Encouragement
Encouragement takes humility and is used for the sake of empowering others. Encouragement is a gift freely given. It is a gift of words that draws the other person’s creativity forward, puts a skip in their step or a smile on their face.
Words of encouragement are a gift of the heart to bless and strengthen another in their journey through life. Whether simple or elaborate, it is a gift of value, appreciation and blessing from one person to another.
“A word of encouragement during a failure is worth more than an hour of praise after success.” ~Anonymous
God’s Word about Encouragement
- “Let us consider and give attentive, continuous care to watching over one another, studying how we may stir up (stimulate and incite) to love and helpful deeds and noble activities.” ~Hebrews 10:24 AMPC
- “Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit [through factional motives, or strife], but with [an attitude of] humility [being neither arrogant nor self-righteous], regard others as more important than yourselves. Do not merely look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interests of others.” ~Philippians 2:3-4 AMP
- “Anxiety in a man’s heart weighs it down, but an encouraging word makes it glad.” ~ Proverbs 12:25 AMPC
- “Therefore encourage and comfort one another and build up one another, just as you are doing.” ~1 Thessalonians 5:11 AMP
“Encouragement makes it easier to live the Christian life.” ~Got Questions
Flattery
Flattery usually comes from pride or misuse of power for one’s own selfish gain. Flattery is not free, there is always a price to pay. The flatterer is the one who sows and reaps while the one flattered pays the price for they are being ill-used.
“Flattery is praise insincerely given for an interested purpose.” ~Jean Paul Friedrich Richter
God’s Word about Flattery
- “There is nothing reliable in what they say; their inward part is destruction itself. Their throat is an open grave; they flatter with their tongue.” ~Psalm 5:9 NASB
- “They speak deceitful and worthless words to one another; with flattering lips and a double heart they speak.” ~Psalm 12:2 AMP
- “A lying tongue hates those it hurts; and a flattering mouth works ruin.” ~Proverbs 26:28 WEB
- “The words of his mouth were smoother than butter, but his heart was hostile; his words were softer than oil, yet they were drawn swords.” ~Psalm 55:21 AMP
- “For such people do not serve our Lord Christ, but their own appetites and base desires. By smooth and flattering speech they deceive the hearts of the unsuspecting [the innocent and the naïve].” ~Romans 16:18 AMP
I think Christians hold back words of encouragement because they are fearful they will walk in empty flattery, but these verses demonstrate flattery comes from a heart that is destructive, double, full of hate, hostile and deceptive.
It seems the flatterer wants to ensnare and hold captive the one they are flattering. I don’t believe Christians fall into this category. It is the evil and wicked who want to ensnare others. Christians want people to walk in the freedom Christ paid for us.
“Encouragement makes it easier to live in a fallen world in a holy way.” ~Got Questions
Today’s Culture
Today’s culture seems to breed prolific criticism. Very little of it is constructive criticism which can benefit people. As a result, people are discouraged and disheartened. To overcome this negative environment, we can find strength in the Lord and encouragement from others.
“Without encouragement, life would soon feel pointless and burdensome. Without encouragement, we can be overwhelmed by the very real pains of our life. Without encouragement, we feel unloved. Without encouragement, we begin to think that God is a liar or is unconcerned with our welfare. So, the Bible tells us to encourage one another, to remind each other of the truth that God loves us that God equips us, that we are a treasure, that our struggles are worth it. Encouragement helps us experience abundant life. ~Got Questions
Encourage Others in Freedom
“It is for freedom Christ set us free.”3 And “if the Son makes us free, we are free indeed.”4 Now let’s use our freedom and “through love serve and seek the best for one another.”5 “Let no unwholesome word proceed from our mouth, but only such a word as is good for edification according to the need of the moment, so that it will give grace to those who hear.”6
“Pleasant words are like a honeycomb, sweet and delightful to the soul and healing to the body.” ~Proverbs 16:24 AMP
“Like apples of gold in settings of silver is a word spoken in right circumstances.” ~Proverbs 25:11 NASB
“So then, let’s follow after things which make for peace, and things by which we may build one another up.”7
Acts of Encouragement
We want to give words of encouragement and we want to do kind deeds which will encourage others.
- A note or text of appreciation to a friend, colleague or family member
- Pick up the mail or the newspaper for a neighbor
- Shovel snow, mow, or sweep walkways for a neighbor
- Send flowers to brighten someone’s day, celebrate a special event or to cheer them if they are ill
- Pay for someone’s meal at a restaurant or make a meal for someone who is ill
- Leave an extra-large tip for your server at a restaurant or for the person delivering the grocery order to your home
- Volunteer at a shelter or crisis center
- Donate blood to the blood bank, clothes in good condition to a clothes closet, blankets and socks to a homeless ministry or canned goods to the food bank
What will you do today to encourage someone else? I’m going to write a note of cheer to a friend.
“Words of encouragement are a gift of the heart to bless and strengthen another in their journey through life. Whether simple or elaborate, it is a gift of value, appreciation and blessing from one person to another.” ~Lisa Blair
Recommendations:
How to Ease into Deeper Relationships How to Ease into Deeper Relationships – Strength with Dignity
Expressing Gratitude to Others Expressing Gratitude to 3 Different Groups of People – Close of Heart, Strangers & People in Our Community – Strength with Dignity
References:
1 Webster’s 1828 Dictionary. Published in 1828 by G. & C. Merriam Company. Copyright by Rosalie J. Slater of the Foundation for American Christian Education 1967 and 1995. Eighteenth printing, 2006.
2 BibleStudy.org
3 Galatians 5:1a NASB
4 John 8:36 NASB
5 Galatians 5:13 AMP
6 Ephesians 4:29 NASB
7 Romans 14:19 WEB
10 Bible Verses about Encouraging Others. Published by So Very Blessed. Retrieved March 10, 2022, from 10 Bible Verses About Encouraging Others (soveryblessed.com)
100 Bible Verses about Flattery. Published by Open Bible. Retrieved March 10, 2022, from What Does the Bible Say About Flattery? (openbible.info)
Amplified Bible (AMP) Copyright © 2015 by The Lockman Foundation, La Habra, CA 90631. All rights reserved.
Amplified Bible, Classis Edition (AMPC) Copyright 1954, 1958, 1962, 1964, 1965, 1987 by The Lockman Foundation.
Flattery, Praise, Criticism and Encouragement Quotes. Published by Tentmaker. Retrieved March 7, 2022, from Quotes: Flattery, Praise, Criticism and Encouragement Quotes (tentmaker.org)
Jackson, Bob. Top 12 Bible Verses-Encourage One Another. Published by Everyday Servant on July 30, 2017. Retrieved March 10, 2022, from Top 12 Bible Verses-Encourage One Another – Everyday Servant
New American Standard Bible 1995 (NASB 1995), copyright 1960, 1971, 1977, 1995 by The Lockman Foundation
Why is encouragement so Important According to the Bible? Published by Got Questions. Retrieved March 10, 2022, from Why is encouragement so important according to the Bible? | GotQuestions.org
World English Bible (WEB) by Public Domain. The name “World English Bible” is trademarked.
Bible Gateway Blogger Grid Member #bgbg2 #BibleGateway
72 thoughts on “The Art of Encouragement”
This is wonderful! Thanks for these wise words.
I’m so glad you were encouraged, Leanna!
We do a lot of peer editing in my classroom, and I have to teach my students about the compliment sandwich :). When encouraging their peers, they need to state one specific thing they liked or appreciated about the piece, one thing they didn’t understand or think needs improvement, and one more compliment. By using this formula, we can genuinely say something good, while at the same time pointing out an area of improvement. I tend to go into editor mode when looking at student papers, and I have to make an effort to use encouraging words, too :).
What a wonderful practice, Anita! Your students are learning great skills! And this could have great verbal application if we did this as parents or as friends – to give specific appreciation, constructive criticism, and then more appreciation.
This sounds like such a useful way to share constructive criticism. Thanks for sharing this, Anita! I’m going to utilize this approach.
Lisa, thanks for differentiating between flattery and genuine encouragement. This is helpful!
I’m so glad you were encouraged, Shannon!
I pray people see my as an encourager….Thx for this post and the practical tips to encourage others
Thanks for the encouragement, Jan! Yes, may we be an encouragement to those around us.
Honestly, in our criticism-riddled culture, genuine encouragement is cool water to a thirsty soul!
Also a reminder I have to encourage someone dear to my heart
Thank you for this. Love it!
Encouragement really is cool water to a thirsty soul, Debby!
We need encouragement. It is lacking, but we can help encourage others.
I like your definition of flattery: “Flattery usually comes from pride or misuse of power for one’s own selfish gain. Flattery is not free, there is always a price to pay. The flatterer is the one who sows and reaps while the one flattered pays the price for they are being ill-used.” Reading this made me realize the reason why I feel indebted to the flatterer.
So true, Theresa! We can be the encourager! It is eye opening about the flatterer and feeling indebted to them, isn’t it?
Love your comparisons between encouragement and flattery. I do think as Christians we can be a little tepid in our praise sometimes for fear of falling into flattery, so I love how you pointed out that flattery has to do with evil intent. A thoughtful and excellent post!
The clarification on flattery really makes a way of freedom for us as Christians, Patti, to encourage one another.
Good words. Thank you for encouraging us by your study, prayers and heart of a teacher & servant. God bless you & yours. 🙏🏼
I’m so glad you were encouraged, Peggy! God bless you, sweet friend!
I completely resonate with the struggle between encouragement & flattery. It can be such a fine line between the two.
My WOTY is ENCOURAGEMENT, therefore I feel like I’m dealing with this on a daily basis.
My prayer is that I am genuine in EVERY human interaction.
Encouragement is a great WOTY, Barb! I think the clarification on flattery sets us free to encourage others, Barb, as we do it with a heart of love and appreciation, not with evil intent to misuse others.
I love the distinction between encouragement and flattery; it is well presented. Encouraging brethren in Christ is the purest act of love we can perform in life; it doesn’t need to be a big thing as long as it is genuinely from the heart.
Being motivated by love and being authentic is the key, Alan!
Great job on detailing the difference between flattery and encouragement. It is so important that we seek to infuse others with courage that will be their stay on the hard paths rather than flowery words that hold no value when the path grows dim. Great practical tips too!
We all need encouragement, Donna! And to infuse others with courage will definitely help us as we walk this journey called life.
A great clarification, and yes, an encouragement this evening, Lisa. Bless your weekend, friend …
I’m so glad you were encouraged, Linda!
Thank you for this post. I loved reading about the difference between encouragement and flattery. Sharing on Pinterest.
I’m so glad you were encouraged, Maree!
“Like apples of gold in settings of silver is a word spoken in right circumstances.” ~Proverbs 25:11 NASB – I love this – praying God gives me the right words in the right circumstances to encourage – and to be able to choose from all the love languages which one best encourages!
Awesome, Maryleigh!
Lisa, I appreciated this post and the distinction you brought out between flattery and encouragement. It is an important one. The hard part of flattery is that we can often sense when we are being flattered. It falls differently than encouragement, leaving such an empty feeling. May the Lord make us wise stewards of our words and also give us discernment when being flattered.
I think love is such a key, Joanne, for when we love, His love flows through us. Flattery does leave an empty space because its hollow and without substance; I agree, Joanne, may the Lord give us discernment.
Lisa, words of affirmation are my love language, so this post resonates deeply with me. 🙂 Encouraging words don’t have to be fancy or eloquent, just said (or written) from the heart. The same goes for all the wonderful acts encouragement you listed, whether they include words or not. I also appreciate the distinction between encouragement and flattery … encouragement warms the heart, and flattery just leaves a bad taste in the mouth.
Words of Affirmation are my love language, Lois, so I completely understand that words from the heart are important, deep and meaningful.
Lisa, thanks so much I love the analogy about encouragement and flattery. It really resonates with me I pray my words are encouraging not just flattery to others! Being able to discern the difference when we talk with others! Great blog 😃
I’m so glad you were encouraged, Connie!
Encouragement makes such a huge difference. They are powerful and God honouring.
Encouragement helps us persevere and not lose heart, Christine.
This was a great reminder for me as a mom. I tend to head straight into redirecting and forget to encourage my little ones! Thank you for your wisdom here, friend!
I’m so glad you were encouraged, Stacey!
This is such a good distinction. I’ve thought of doing a study of the difference between flattery and encouragement, because they can sound similar. Thanks for pointing out the different purposes of each–to build up and strengthen another person, in the case of encouragement, or to flatter someone for selfish purposes and make them feel puffed up instead of built up.
I was surprised how the Scripture pointed to the speaker’s heart, Barbara. Encouragement is a gift freely given, but flattery has a price-tag. I look forward to your study, if you decide to pursue it, as I’m sure there is much gold to mine here, and I’ve only scratched the surface.
Lisa, this is such an incredible post my friend! This world needs so much more genuine encouragement. You inspired me to seek God’s heart to write about encouragement, too! I pray that MANY see this and are encouraged today to be genuine and seek to build others up and not tear them down. Beautiful post sweet sister … 🙏❤️
I’m so glad you were encouraged, Donna! And I look forward to reading your post on encouragement in the near future.
Lisa, Thank you for your “The Art of Encouragement”. It does make life much easier with encouragement. I will be sending a couple of books out to day to friends and cards. What a beautiful reminder to be encourager in God’s way of love.
I’m so glad you were encouraged, Deborah! I know your friends will be so blessed to hear from you!
Wonderful post. Kind deeds and encouragement can go a long way. Thanks so much for linking up at the Unlimited Link Party 74. Pinned.
I’m so glad you were encouraged, Dee! Yes, kind deeds and words of encouragement go a very long way!
This is a wonderful article about the power of encouragement. It’s a gift we can all give to others. I’m particularly interested in your point about how flattery and encouragement are two vastly different things. So true!
Carol
http://www.scribblingboomer.com
Encouragement is a gift we give to others, Carol!
My WOTY is ENCOURAGEMENT!!
I had not even considered the sticky relationship between encouragement and flattery. I have so much more to think about now!
May I share your post?
I’m so glad you were encouraged, Barb! Yes, you are free to share my post, and thank you!
Visiting again to say thanks so much for linking up at the Unlimited Link Party 94. Shared.
Thank you, Dee!
CONGRATS Lisa! Your post is FEATURED at the Unlimited Link Party 95!
Thank you for the feature, Dee, I appreciate the highlight!
We can never get too much encouragement to be an encourager! I love this post, Lisa. I hope it inspires each of us who read it to encourage someone today.
I’m so glad you were inspired, Lisa! And you’re right, we can never receive too much encouragement!
I’ve often wondered just what constitutes flattery, and I appreciate your distinguishing it from encouragement. Flattery is both insincere and has an ulterior motive.
It’s so true we can hardly receive too much encouragement. It helps to know where we’re doing right as well as what we’re doing wrong. Sometimes just a kind word makes a big difference. So much just passes by us, but we need to take time to really see and appreciate people.
We desperately need encouragement, Barbara, especially these days! Learning what flattery actually means releases us from the fear of walking in it.
Lisa this>>”Encouragement or flattery? There can be a fine line between words of encouragement and words of flattery. ” Is so true. I love that you broke each of these down into easily understood sections. You know I have to say I never looked at the distinctions before. I love encouraging others, I’m going to have to be intentional about paying attention if I flatter anyone then flip it into encouragement. Pausing to reflect on this today.
Thanks bunches for sharing this with Sweet Tea & Friends this month.
Seeing the difference between encouragement and flattery brought a lot of freedom for me, Paula, because encouragement comes from a heart of blessing while flattery comes from a heart of taking. Knowing the difference sets us free to encourage and bless others. Thanks for hosting Sweet Tea & Friends, Paula!
Lisa, this is excellent. We all need encouragement and want to provide real encouragement for others.
So true, Debbie! We desire to give real encouragement to others, and all of us need encouragement in our walk with God.
A great reminder Lisa! Encouragement is definitely an Art, one that takes practice but also sensitvity as to what the receipent’s needs are at the time…I like your practical suggestions because at times actions are more helpful & encouraging then words.
Visiting from Joanne’s table today where we’re sitting next to each other 😊
Blessings, Jennifer
We all need encouraging words, Jennifer, yet practical expressions both help us and encourage our heart.
Lisa, I am so glad you shared this post again. I remembered reading it then and appreciated reading it this morning. There is such a distinction between the two. May my words encourage others, and not flatter. May they be sincere and from my heart or may I remain quiet.
Yes, Joanne, may our words bring encouragement to people’s hearts, and may our lips remain quiet rather than flatter another.
Your post is encouraging and inspiring. I know ways to encourage my children and close friends–but I am still learning and want to expand to others. Within the church we need to be encouragers!
We all need to learn to be better encouragers, Carol!
Your post is inspiring and encouraging. We need to be encouragers in the church and in the community!
So true, Carol! We do need to be better encouragers in our churches and in our communities.
I think I grew up on a diet of manipulative flattery – which created huge mistrust issues with words. But learning the heart of God’s kind of encouragement has been a healer. I still have trouble trusting “kind” words but have learned to receive them as a verbal hug of encouragement. I’ve learned, too – that sometimes the most beautiful encouragement is the gift of a hug that asks nothing. I love language and word discussions, Lisa – especially meaningful ones like these! Grace & Blessings, my friend. May we both find ways to encourage those in this community and where we walk!
I grew up in an authentic community, but I have since been exposed to the manipulative and false kind of flattery. But God! But God brings His healing love, His kindness, and discernment to help us navigate other’s speech. I agree, Maryleigh, may the Lord strengthen and encourage our hearts that we might be His vessel to encourage those around us.
Well said, Lisa! Lots of encouragement here! I will be sharing with my followers. They need these wonderful scriptures. Have a wonderful weekend! God bless.
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