4 Types of Love

The 4 Types of love: affection, friendship, passion and selfless love – or sometimes known by the four Greek words for love: storge, philia, eros, and agape –  show us the various forms love manifest in our relationships.

Type of Love: Affection (Storge)

“Best understood as family love. It’s the kind of easy bond that naturally forms between parents and their children and sometimes between siblings in the same household. This kind of love is steady and sure. It is love that arrives easily and endures for a lifetime.” [O’Neal]

Love is “a spontaneous inward affection of one person for another that manifests itself in an outgoing concern for the other and impels one to self-giving.” [Fitzmyer 489]

“Christians are members of God’s family. Our lives are knit together by something stronger than physical ties – the bonds of the Spirit. We are related by something more powerful than human blood – the blood of Jesus Christ. God calls His children to love each other with the deep affection of storge love.” [Zavada]

The downside is that family acquaintances can be taken for granted; familiar relationships can lead to people feeling as if they have license to be rude, jealous or resentful of those near in relational proximity.

Type of Love: Friendship (Philia)

Philia means ‘beloved, dear…a friend; someone dearly loved (prized) in a personal, intimate way; a trusted confidant held dear in a close bond of personal affection.’ Philia expresses experienced-based love.” [Zavada]

“Philia is the most general type of love in Scripture, encompassing love for fellow humans, care, respect, and compassion for people in need. The concept of brotherly love that unites believers is unique to Christianity. Jesus said philia would be an identifier of His followers: ‘By this everyone will know that you are My disciples if you love one another.’ (John 13:35 NIV) It is the most powerful emotional bond seen in deep friendships. It is the type of intimate love in the Bible that most Christians practice toward each other.” [Zavada]

“For Lewis, Friendship is not mere companionship; it is the recognition between two people that they share a common view of the world, of faith, or of truth.” [SG]

“The typical expression of opening Friendship would be something like, ‘What? You too? I thought I was the only one.’” [Lewis 65]

Philia “describes an emotional connection that goes beyond acquaintances or casual friendships. When we experience philia, we experience a deeper level of connection. Philia is a powerful bond that forms a community and offers multiple benefits to those who share it.” [O’Neal]

Type of Love: Passion (Eros)

In modern times, eros is referred to as romantic love or sexual love. However, when listening to C.S. Lewis radio talks from 1958, he referred to eros as passion; as in passion to dive into something, whether diving into work or into a relationship. The passion was for the pursuit.

Lewis emphasized the passion for the pursuit was greater than the actual realization of accomplishing the work or catching the person they are pursuing. He shared that people walking in eros are extremely hyperbole about what they’re doing as being the ‘greatest thing’ or the person they are pursuing being the ‘greatest person’ at that moment in time. However, after diving into the project or marrying the person, the person might not be able to ‘swim’ so they go to the next project or the next relationship for the ‘high’ of the pursuit.

I walked away from the radio broadcasts with the impression that a person walking in eros is so caught up in the momentary hyperbole of importance and passion that it gives them a ‘momentary high’ or ‘adrenaline rush’ almost as if on a drug; either that, or they are completely narcissistic.

“Eros portrays the idea of passion and intensity of feeling.” [O’Neal]

“Eros…has the potentially damaging ways in which to express itself. One of these is that the love can become of such importance to the person experiencing it that it may begin to take precedence over the love of God.” [SG]

Type of Love: Selfless Love (Agape)

“Agape is divine love, which makes it perfect, pure, and self-sacrificing. When the bible says that ‘God is love’ (1 John 4:8), it’s referring to agape love.” [O’Neal]

Agape love is “the selfless, unconditional type of love that helps people to forgive one another, to respect one another, and to serve one another, day in and day out.” [McCain]

“We’re all very familiar with this type of love: it is the unconditional love that The Father (God) has for us. There is nothing we can do to change how The Father feels about us. It is also the type of love that takes place between God and His Son, Jesus.” [PH]

“The scripture ‘God is love’ means to Lewis that love is both a noun and a verb since God demonstrates His love through action, and is, Himself, the perfect example of love. Love as a word is interchangeable with God.” [SG]

Love is a Noun

“Love is not to be based on ‘intensity of feeling’ but on where one’s ultimate loyalty resides.” [SG]

“Love never fails. Love survives everything. All these spiritual gifts [mentioned in 1 Corinthians 12] will pass. It is amazing how little of human works lasts.” [Robertson 179]

“Agape is the word that describes God’s love in John 3:16, ‘God loved the world…’ We are commanded to love God (Matthew 22:37) and love one another (John 13:34) with agape love. Agape is the word for love used in 1 Corinthians 13. Love that is genuine comes from God because ‘God is love’ (1 John 4:16). If God is love, then we love others best by loving Him most.” [Livingston]

Agape is a “special type of Christian love, ‘whether exercised toward the brethren, or toward men generally, is not an impulse from the feelings, it does not always run with the natural inclinations [or tendencies], nor does it spend itself only upon those for whom some [empathy] is discovered’.” [Vine’s]

Love is a Verb

“Is it easy to love God? Asks an old author. ‘It is easy’ he relies, to those who do it.’” [Lewis 140]

“Agape defines God’s immeasurable, incomparable love for humankind. It is the divine love that comes from God. Agape love is perfect, unconditional, sacrificial, and pure. Jesus Christ demonstrated this kind of divine love to His Father and to all humanity in the way He lived and died.” [Zavada]

Agape is “best expressed in Jesus Christ’s statement in John 15:13, ‘Greater love [agape] has no one than this, than to lay down one’s life for his friends.’ Jesus Himself perfectly exemplified this kind of love throughout His lifetime, continually giving of Himself and His time and energies to serve others and ultimately offering up His life as a sacrifice for all of humanity. This is the kind of love God wants each of us to exemplify in our lives.” [UCG]

“Jesus commanded His followers: ‘Just as I have love you, you are also to love one another. By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another’ (John 13:34-35, CSB). The word Jesus used for love is the verb form of agape. The pattern of our love is ‘as I have loved you.’ In other words, we are to be known by our self-giving, sacrificial, unconditional love for one another. Paul, in 1 Corinthians 13, describes what such love looks like, practically speaking.” [Livingstone]

1 Corinthians 13

“If I speak with the tongues of mankind and of angels, but do not have love, I have become a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and know all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have all faith so as to remove mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. And if I give away all my possessions to charity, and if I surrender my body so that I may glory, but do not have love, it does me no good.”

“Love is patient, love is kind, it is not jealous; love does not brag, it is not arrogant. It does not act disgracefully, it does not seek its own benefit; it is not provoked, does not keep an account of a wrong suffered, it does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth; it keeps every confidence, it believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.”

“Love never fails; but if there are gifts of prophecy, they will be done away with; if there are tongues, they will cease; if there is knowledge, it will be done away with. For we know in part and prophesy in part; but when the perfect comes, the partial will be done away with.”

“When I was a child, I used to speak like a child, think like a child, reason like a child; when I became a man, I did away with childish things. For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face; now I know in part, but then I will know fully, just as I also have been fully known. But now faith, hope, and love remain, these three; but the greatest of these is love.” [NASB]

Things to Consider

“The Holy Spirit is also the One who imparts to us the greatest of the ‘abiding gifts’ – LOVE. It is love than enables us to build sound, lasting, and precious relationships in the Body of Christ, It is love that binds us together in unity, regardless of the diversity of our gifts, talents, personalities, and backgrounds.”

“Those things which we do WITH the love of the Holy Spirit flowing in us and through us are of profound effect. What happens in you when you experience love that manifests itself in the following forms:
• Someone has great patience with us, far beyond anything we ‘deserve’
• Someone is very kind to us, far beyond anything we ‘warrant’
• Someone extends great courtesy to us, giving us a preferred position or allowing us to ‘go first’ or ‘be first’
• Someone voices that they believe the best for us and that they also see the best in us
• Someone comes quickly to our defense when we are falsely accused or attacked
• Someone refuses to leave us and seeks instead to ‘stick with us’ in an hour of need”

“This type of love is invaluable! It is what causes us to grow and mature in Christ Jesus. This type of love builds us up on the inside so that we truly feel cherished, not only by the person extending such love, but cherished by God Himself.”

“This type of love is not something that we can manufacture on our own. It is not an ideal that we can achieve by trying. It is love that is possible only as we allow the Holy Spirit to flow through us to others.” [Blackaby]

1 Corinthians 13 –MacArthur Highlights

Paul writes to the Believers in Corinthians because “love was absent. This led to the quarrels and exhibitions of selfishness and pride that plagued the church. Instead of selfishly and jealously desiring showy gifts which they don’t have, believers [need to] pursue the greatest thing of all – love for one another.” [MacArthur 1596]

“Love suffers long.”
Bearing with a person’s worst behavior, without retaliation, regardless of the circumstances.

“Love is kind.”
Diligently seeking ways to be actively useful in another person’s life.

“Love rejoices in the truth.”
Finding great joy when truth prevails in another person’s life.

“Love bears all things.”
Being publicly silent about another person’s faults.

“Love believes all things.”
Expressing unshakeable confidence and trust in others.

“Love hopes all things.”
Confidently expecting future victory in another person’s life, regardless of the present imperfections.

“Love endures all things.”
Outlasting every assault of Satan to break up relationships.

“Love does not envy.”
Delighting in the esteem and honor given to someone else.

“Love does not parade itself.”
Not drawing attention to oneself exclusive of others.

“Love is not puffed up.”
Knowing one is not more important than others.

“Love does not behave rudely.”
Not engaging any person in ungodly activity.

“Love does not seek its own.”
Being others-oriented.

“Love is not provoked.”
Not resorting to anger as a solution to difficulties between myself and others.

“Love thinks no evil.”
Never keeping an account due on others.

“Love does not rejoice in iniquity.”
Never delighting in another person’s unrighteous behavior, nor will I join its expression.
[MacArthur 1598]

1 Corinthians 13:13

“Now faith, hope, and love remain, these three; but the greatest of these is love.” [NASB]

This LOVE is God. God is eternal, immortal, timeless, boundless, infinite, etc. Love never ends because God is LOVE and He is forever. Revelation 4 speaks of God in this way, “Holy, holy, holy is the Lord God, the Almighty, who was and who is and who is to come.” (Revelation 4:8b NASB)

“God is love (1 John 4:8). In John 15, Jesus speaks of His Father’s love, His love and our love. This LOVE is a reflection of our adoption into His family. Because we are adopted into His family and freely given His love, He desires us to reflect and give this family love to others.”

“In all three of the ‘body’ passages in Paul’s letters, there is an emphasis on love. The main evidence of maturity in the Christian life is a growing love for God and for God’s people, as well as a love for lost souls. It has well been said that love is the ‘circulatory system’ of the body of Christ.”

“Christians are ‘taught of God to love one another’ (1 Thessalonians 4:9). God the Father taught us to love by sending His Son (1 John 4:19), and God the Son taught us to love by giving His life and by commanding us to love each other (John 13:34-35). The Holy Spirit teaches us to love one another by pouring out God’s love in our hearts (Romans 5:5).”

“The most important lesson in the school of faith is to love one another. Love enriches all that it touches.” [Wiersbe 487-488]

“Love is the greatest of the three virtues…God lasts into eternity, while faith and hope are realized [in the present] and will not.” [MacArthur 1795]

Summary

The 4 Types of love: affection, friendship, passion and selfless love, or sometimes known by the four Greek words for love: storge, philia, eros, and agape, show us the various forms love manifest in our relationships:
1) Affection (Storge) known as family love – whether between natural family members or spiritual family members – it is marked by deep affection
2) Friendship (Philia) based on an emotional bond – a strong bond existing between people who share common values, interests or activities or a compassion, care and respect for those in need
3) Passion (Eros) a passion or intensity of feeling – often based on the ‘high’ of the pursuit and not the person or object being pursued
4) Selfless Love (Agape) is unconditional

“For Lewis, the withholding of love is similar to the Biblical maxim that cautions against hiding one’s talent in a bush. A talent – and the loves – are gifts from God. If they are hidden and unused, it is an act of ingratitude.” [SG]

1 Corinthians 13 is known as the love chapter. It speaks of what love is and what love is not:

Love Is…
Patient
Kind
Rejoices with the Truth
Keeps every confidence
Believes all things
Hopes all things
Endures all things
Love never fails
Love is greater than faith and hope

Love Is Not…
Jealous
Does not Brag
Does not act disgracefully
Does not seek its own benefit
Provoked
Does not keep account of a wrong suffered
Does not rejoice in unrighteousness

Prayer:

Lord, we desire to love You with all our heart, soul, mind and strength. And Lord, we desire to love others with Your pure, unconditional and undefiled love just as You have loved us. We receive Your love and we receive the ability to freely give Your love to others, in Jesus Name, Amen.

Recommendation:

If you would like to read more about God’s love, you can read, Life and Godliness: Love. You can find it here:  https://strengthwithdignity.com/life-and-godliness-love/

References:

Blackaby, Henry, Richard, Thomas, Melvin, and Norman. 1 Corinthians: A Blackaby Bible Study Series (Encounters with God). Kindle edition, 2008.

Fitzmyer, Joseph A. First Corinthians: A New Translation with Introduction and Commentary. Published by AYB, 2008. Volume 32, page 489. [Quote from: The Moody Bible Commentary, 1794]

Lewis, C.S. The Four Loves. Kindle edition, HarperOne, 2017. [Originally published in 1960 by Harcourt Brace]

Lewis, C.S. The Four Loves. Narrated by C. S. Lewis. Audible, 2005. [C.S. Lewis did a series of radio broadcasts in London in 1958, prior to publishing his book in 1960. The original recordings were made by the Episcopal Radio-TV Foundation. Currently found on Audible and listed as a vintage BBC recording.]

Livingstone, Mike. 3 Kinds of Love. Lifeway Christian Resources, April 16, 2018. Retrieved May 3, 2021 from https://goexplorethebible.com/blog/adults/3-kinds-of-love-session-8-1-corinthians-131-13/

MacArthur, John. The MacArthur Bible Commentary. Published by Thomas Nelson, 2005.

McCain, Dana Hall. “2 Kinds of Love in Marriage.” Family First, Inc. Retrieved May 15, 2021 from https://www.imom.com/2-kinds-of-love-in-marriage/

New American Standard Bible, Copyright 1960, 1971, 1977, 1995 by The Lockman Foundation. Used by permission.

O’Neal, Sam. “The Four Types of Love in the Bible.” Learn Religions, Mar. 4, 2021. Retrieved May 15, 2021 from https://www.learnreligions.com/four-types-of-love-in-the-bible-363380

Robertson, Archibald Thomas. Word Pictures in the New Testament, Volume IV, The Epistles of Paul. Published by the Sunday School Board of the SBC, 1931. First Corinthians Thirteen, pages 176-180.

Study Guide: The Four Loves by C.S. Lewis. [SG] Kindle edition, SuperSummary, 2018.

The Different Kinds of Love Mentioned in the Bible. Posted on Dec 8, 2010 by United Church of God. [UCG] Retrieved May 15, 2021 https://www.ucg.org/bible-study-tools/booklets/marriage-and-family-the-missing-dimension/the-different-kinds-of-love-mentioned-in-the-bible

“The Four Loves.” Wikipedia, Wikimedia Foundation, May 4, 2021. Retrieved May 15, 2021 from  https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Four_Loves

The Moody Bible Commentary. Published by The Moody bible Institute, 2014.

“Top Three Types of Love Along with Bible Verses.” Published by Synthia on Precious Heart [PH], July 1, 2018. Retrieved May 15, 2021 https://www.preciousheart.org/top-three-types-of-love-along-with-bible-verses/

Unger, William White, and W.E. Vine. Vine’s Complete Expository Dictionary of Old and New Testament Words, “Love”. Nelson, 1985.

Wiersbe, Warren W. The Wiersbe Bible Commentary: New Testament. Published Warren W. Wiersbe, 2007.

Zavada, Jack. “4 Types of Love in the Bible.” Learn Religions, Feb. 8, 2021, Updated May 11, 2020. Retrieved May 15, 2021 https://www.learnreligions.com/types-of-love-in-the-bible-700177